Mornings 'yet to be'employed

Mornings, glorious mornings. 

Don't get me wrong, I do not proclaim that I am a morning person (many sources can confirm) - I must assert however, that I adore the quiet and stillness that often accompanies the start of the day - particularly on the weekends, or at the beach, or when you are yet to be employed (I am not an unemployed graduate, but rather a yet to be employed post grad and the distinction is rather important) - I have come to cherish the silence and calm no matter how brief, and these days brevity is determined by my desire.

 Few things make a girl more cheerful than waking up to the warmth of home and a heavenly embrace, sunbeams streaming through the window, birds serenading me while Bon Iver purrs throughout the house, hot coffee in hand, dog at my feet - generally taking my sweet time to soak it all in - before going about my day. No not each morning begins this way, but every second of this sequence is magical and glorious and uplifting and provides a clarity of mind akin to that of a deep meditation, a long cry, or watching the sunrise or sunset paint the sky in silence. How could anyone have anything less than a marvelous day when it begins in such a manner. 

No, I may not have a job yet (note that I have put intention to be hired out into the universe, and I have decided quite simply to reject negativity). But while I wait for someone to inevitably realize upon reading my resume that I'm just what they are looking for - I welcome you, mornings, with open arms - a loving embrace of gratitude. I appreciate you. I honor your sunbeams and your winged soloists and choirs. I salute you in whatever form you present yourself to me each day. You begin again and again, sun rising without fail - even through rain - how graceful. Thank you for the tranquility you have supplied me of late. The light in me shines more brightly because of your daybreak. 

     

I'm thinking about you. Yes you. I'm sending you love. I'm wishing YOU love, happiness and peace of mind. You are bright and beautiful and you deserve all of the good. All of it. 

The sunrise this morning, it was just for you. 
Let that energy and lightness of a fresh start - the brand new day - fill you, and let sunbeams radiate through your eyes and smile.
Sending love wherever needed.

This Hasn't Happened in a While

But seriously. And what will that be?

In the midst of rapid change - graduation from William and Mary (there was a time I thought this might never come), a move to North Carolina, free time for lack of employment or schoolwork, sending out my resume, leaving the first place that opened its arms to me as a new yoga teacher. It seems as though I have had infinite amounts of free time and yet, why does it feel like I haven't processed any of it? Activities I enjoy (writing, etc.) have taken a backseat to - what exactly? Time to reign it in.

For the last seven years of my life, I have been a student. Much has happened, but generally speaking my status as a student has been a constant with a brief interlude. Maybe it took me so long to figure out how to do it right, finishing my final semester with almost straight A's (huzzah!). While I'm thrilled to be finished, it feels terribly unfair that I finally figured it out and now it is just over. There is so much good in the world and in my life, and yet I suddenly can't help but feel that I am floundering. Two such strong and contrasting emotions - how do you find peace when change, fear, confidence, uncertainty, joy, sadness, apprehension, faith..are all happening at once. 

They are all fighting for the win but they just keep smacking into one another causing chaos and confusion.

What helps you adapt? Where do you turn when there is so much uncertainty? They say an idle mind is the devil's workshop. In the past this has proven true -with no responsibility it is terribly effortless to get sucked into a favorite television show and sit around all day, let your yoga practice go by the wayside, let fear get in the way of putting yourself out there - it becomes so natural to get caught in a vicious cycle of laziness and lack of effort or activity.

So you fill your time. You must not allow yourself to sit and do nothing. You must take a step towards what is next - whatever that may be? Any step at all.

You thank your lucky stars for the other constants that remain. 

Family.

Love.

Good health.

Food to put on the table.

A warm bed to sleep in.

A roof over your head.

Love (worth mentioning twice).

Amidst internal chaos, struggle to find where you should go next, what you should do, what path to take - these are consistent and hold true - and though it is easy to forget you must remind yourself how fortunate you are to have them.

 Someone recently asked me - If money was of no concern? What would you do? 

Could it be that simple? Can it really be that simple? 

But really - What do you think?

Can two aspects of ones personality - love of comforts, shopping, pretty things (that money is needed for) and love of yoga, simplicity, local businesses - exist and come to peace with one another? 

What if guilt surfaces when one or the other starts to take the lead?

So today I take time to remind myself and you, my dear friend - slow down and take a deep breath. 

Come what may - love it. 

Try to accept it with love and a smile - it could be worse. 

You are entirely up to you - don't let a little chaos and confusion get in the way of that.

Sending love wherever needed. 

What Goes Up Must Come Down

It is how you deal with it when you're down that defines what happens next.

Life is a constant fluctuation of up, down, and in between. It just happens. 

But why is it that in the midst of some potentially self destructive behavior or decision we either cannot admit to ourselves that something is wrong or we choose to ignore it. 

We frame our lives in certain ways and our interpretations our intensely personal. We see things the way we want to see them. We don't want to admit to ourselves that something might be very, very wrong. That we might be very, very wrong. 

Friends and family will try to give advice and we still don't listen. Friends and family try to step in, and still nothing changes. There is that little voice inside that tells us they have no idea how it really is (a bit of a stretch - chances are you've been talking to them about it at least a little), they don't know what they are talking about (especially if they have age over you - they probably have valuable advice to offer because they have probably been there at some point in their lives), they are trying to ruin our lives (now come on..they love you, this is just not the case). In a time of fear, challenge, or turmoil, what we think becomes the only reality. The outsiders are wrong. This framework that we create in our minds may be very different than what outsiders see and it may be your reality, but what I have learned - that does not necessarily make it reality. This gets particularly complicated when it comes to matters of the heart or with life choices that we are very passionate about. The heart speaks so loudly at times that it drowns out the logic of the mind. 

(this has gotten me in trouble as I'm quite partial to following my heart)

Though it is grueling, in these times we need to remind ourselves that this interference (as we see it) is coming from a good place. It is coming from their hearts and we perceive it as interference, but remember - it is coming from their heart.

Ultimately it comes down to this - and it can be extremely difficult as the person in the middle of the situation or as the outsider watching it all go down: We have to make our decisions and our lives play out the way we think they should. You will keep living your life, maybe still going down the road that those who carry you so close to their hearts disagree with. We our going to live our lives as wee see fit. We will get beaten down, make terrible decisions, and disregard experience of those who have lived and learned longer than us. (try not to beat down the people who are trying to help you along the way as well - though the simple act of not heeding their advice might do just that) People will wonder 'why do they continue to do this when everyone tells them it is wrong?'

Why?

Having been on both sides of this phenomenon I have come to this conclusion:

Because it's our life - we have to make decisions - we have to make mistakes - we have to deal with the consequences - and we can learn from these challenges, we can learn from being down - we can decide how that is going to affect our lives - we can decide what to do with it once we are done. The times when we are down shape who we are far more than the times when we are at our best. 

And hopefully,

We become a little more mindful. We take full advantage of a chance to start fresh or rebuild. We learn to cope. We learn to love more ardently. We live more fiercely. We learn a greater respect for the guidance of others. We learn balance. We learn to respect the opinions and outlook of those who see differently than we do. 

We may damage ourselves or our closest relationships during this process. But we can turn around and rebuild them so the next time we are sturdier and more secure. The lessons we learned can help us endure the next blow that might come our way more gracefully. 

Be grounded in who you are. Move forward and continue living your life.

Embrace the ups, downs and in betweens and shine on beautiful people, because stars can't shine without darkness.

Social Media and Yoga

yoga-teachers-we-must-stop-flaunting-our-ass-ana

This article is extremely well written and approaches a topic that I have contemplated thoughtfully on and off for some time. I have read many articles similar to this one, articles that support and highly discourage the posting of, for lack of a better description, yoga-selfies. I am certainly not someone who gets thousands of 'likes' and comments on Instagram when I post photos of the progress I am making in my own personal practice, nor do I honestly care how many 'likes' I receive - If just one person takes something away from a post, picture, or inspirational share then that day is a win for team share the love - that being said, I know not every person reacts positively to how I utilize social media. That's fine - don't like it? Stop looking - it is never my aim to negatively influence anyone and if that is your reaction it is entirely within your right to 'unfollow' or just scroll right past it and not give it a second thought. I put the intention of helping others out into the universe daily, and I would never want to discourage beginners from trying or finding yoga because they think it looks too difficult, don't appreciate my message, or tried something their body wasn't ready for and hurt themselves. 

I cannot speak for anyone else but from a personal standpoint the idea of how Instagram, Facebook, Twitter (social media in general) and the way yogis and teachers alike utilize it is multi-dimensional. 

1). Reiteration - Documenting progress.

For my present and future self.

I have been practicing for a few years and there is a certain importance to having a teacher walk you into a posture in person. There are mirrors in most yoga rooms so we might check our alignment, but I have found that the first, second, third, etc. time that I have a breakthrough - there is no way I'm looking up to try and see myself in a mirror. Nor do I really want to look at myself while I'm fighting with all my might to engage in the core, balance on my hands, twist further than I have ever twisted - add looking at a mirror and that's a recipe for a face plant. I know basic alignment for my body well enough to know that I can look after the fact, and make the proper adjustments the next time I integrate that posture into my practice. This helps me find ways to more clearly communicate to my students and safely incorporate it into my regular practice. I have felt what you are feeling, and finding that in my body will help me to help you.

2). I am trying to develop a stronger at-home practice. 

See #1.

3). I want to market myself as an instructor.

I am, you could say, brand spanking new to teaching. But I have never felt more joy and fulfillment than leaving the studio after helping students move through their physical, mental, spiritual journey or practice. Each teacher has their own unique style, and honestly I'm not entirely certain what mine would be defined as yet. You could say I'm still trying to find it, and you would probably be better served asking my students what their thoughts are on the matter. Just as my yoga practice is constantly developing, my style, strengths, and the way I influence others as a teacher are developing. Every last beautiful soul that walks into the room to take my class helps me along this journey. Their practice inspires my words when I feel lost for them in the middle of a practice. (See #1 - When I look at you, your body language, and your face I can remember that feeling of frustration in my body in that same pose. I also remember the thrill and rush of adrenaline when an adjustment opened up my understanding of how it should truly feel - I want you to feel that, and I want to see your face relax and the corners of your mouth turn up as you experience that revelation) How can I become a better teacher to you if nobody shows up though? You have to show up so I can truly help you show up fully. It seems cyclical to me - students and teachers constantly help one another along their own personal journey. 

4). Non-judgment

Nobody is completely judgement free, but in yoga we try to surpass the our ego to ultimately find enlightenment. We try to stop judging ourselves just as much as we try to stop judging others. We turn our attention inward and practice Svadhyaya - self-reflection. As much as I try to remind myself not to, I judge myself all the time. Everyone does. We look in the mirror, analyze the parts of our body that we hate, and think about what we want to fix. Stop doing that. Love yourself. My body may not be perfect, but I can look at the photo of myself in an arm balance and put those negative emotions aside - I can remind myself that I am strong, that I am capable of more than I know, and that with the right foundation I can do anything I set my mind to. I am still having difficulty balancing ego and non-judgement like most but there is an underlying positive message and good intention.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You can do anything you set your mind to with the right foundations (foundations - See #3).

 So I will not judge those yogis who can do handstands and post photos and videos of it to Instagram because I do not know their path or where they are in their life. I do not know what possibly emotional energy blockages in their body they had to surpass to finally get into that handstand. I don't know how that breakthrough has translated into the person they are in their daily life. Good on you for sticking to your practice. 

5). Old habits die hard

I have never been a particularly religious or spiritual person. Yes, yoga is more than asanas, postures, physical practice. It is much, much more than that. But I have been a competitive athlete my entire life. Swimming, while it is scored as a team sport, is ultimately intensely individual. The individual is challenged to better themselves to work within the larger framework of the team and from years of staring at a black line for three hours pushing myself to my limit, I am conditioned to challenged myself. I have finally reached a place where I am past frustration with limitations and the inability to attain difficult postures. I acknowledge that in order to reach goals within the physical practice of yoga I needed to return to basics and build a stronger base. This lightbulb went off when I focused on my home practice, then returned to the difficult postures after committing to 90 minutes of warming my body and shaking off the worries and stress of the day. Stronger roots in the basics allows me to then attempt to chase aspirations that exist within me. It is my practice, my mat, and my body. 
It should be noted: the desire to strengthen my at-home practice was inspired by these very social media yoga goddesses who are being evaluated for flaunting their abilities. I am innately constantly competitive with myself, they inspired me, and yoga is helping me tame that (aspect of my ego). It started with the physical practice..does it still lie with the physical practice? Maybe. But that's my issue to deal with .

Perhaps it is naive to assume that people will take the necessary steps in being safe in their own bodies - personal exercise regimen, yoga practice, self-study, whatever it may be. We are the only ones who are responsible for our own health and happiness. I am sure there are people out there who think they can and should tackle challenging postures when they see them on 'Instafamous' yogis social media pages. Maybe they will have a slightly bruised ego when they come to find they do not have the necessary framework for that. If envious, perhaps they are not ready to deepen their practice. Or perhaps that is exactly what will bring them to the place where they find one of the qualities that they want to rid themselves of because it no longer serves them. 
At some point in each persons practice, they find themselves comparing their progress to that of others. This stirs up emotions, and how we confront those emotions helps shape who we are. I do not know the reasons people make certain decisions or engage in certain behaviors but I do know there is a common sense to safety and accountability for one's own body. And who am I to stand in the way of what might be the beginning of a persons journey.

Rarely do people know what they are in for when they start practicing yoga. Rarely do people begin yoga with the intention of following a path to enlightenment. Rarely do people realize when they take their first yoga class that they are beginning a journey and potentially changing their life. 
Yoga doesn't start as a journey for most, it develops into one. How they get to the starting line is up to them. We could all benefit from being a bit more mindful. Just remember, someone else's journey is not yours to judge and someones reaction to your journey is about them, it is not about you. So don't take it personally. Live your life. Above all, hold yourself accountable for your body and your actions. 

Lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all.

What distracts you during your practice?

I'm truly interested. What distracts you during your practice?

Every day we run around in our fast-paced society - from place to place, responsibility to obligation, taking care of things for others - often times neglecting adequate care of ourselves. How can you continue to operate this way unless you stop the cycle and take a few moments for yourself? So you go to yoga, brilliant. You have taken the first, and often the hardest step by getting into the car, driving to the studio, and laying down your mat.

If you aren't taking the time each day to step away from the exhausting cycle that is eat, sleep, work, repeat -
Take a moment to tell yourself:
Self-care is not an option, it is a requirement. You have an obligation to care for yourself - mind, body, and soul.

So you made it to the studio, then what happens? You find a comfy Savasana, attempt to shut the mind off, and prepare for the physical practice. The breath begins to help you draw attention towards parts of your body that may not have received much love or attention during your busy day. You had a headache, but why? Then you take notice of the tension you are feeling in your neck - after all, you do carry a 10 pound head around on that neck all day, it is no wonder it is feeling a bit tired. You roll over and press back into child's pose, turn your head to the side, extend the arms palms facing up by the hips, and let that weight melt into the ground. 

The knot between your shoulders from crouching over the computer all day. 
The pressure and throbbing in the feet from standing for eight hours at work. 
You send the breath there. By doing this, you are already providing the gift of fresh, healing, restorative energy to otherwise neglected areas of your body.

The moving meditation begins. The fire you stoked within through the breath begins to spread through the limbs, helps you feel into the body. The legs burn, the arms feel tired, the core might collapse.
 Inhale to lengthen - exhale to surrender. Inhale to make space - exhale to soften the face and the gaze.
The initial tension passes and the beautiful dance between breath and movement keeps you flowing. The heat moves through the skin and trickles down your face in the form of sweat. Do you wipe it away? Or do you simply acknowledge it and continue flowing? Something might be coming up - you are furious that your teacher has kept you in Warrior II for this long. Your front leg quivers - you want to straighten it - you don't want to be there anymore.

Let whatever it is come up. Acknowledge it. Move past it. Find the breath.
It's just yoga.

You come to the balancing series and you are wobbling. The arches of your feet are tired. You are holding your breath, furrowing the brow, tensing the face. The frustration builds on itself. You look to your right and there is that flawless yogi (you know the one) - with the calm smile on their face, not even sweating, perfect alignment, not a care in the world - you find this annoying. You begin to wonder how long they have been practicing yoga..why you don't look how they look in a certain posture..you fall over.

Draw your attention inward. Everyone is at a different place in their own journey. You're at yoga for you, not for them. Do yourself a favor - allow the time you take away from your daily cycle to be just for you. There is nothing wrong with being a little selfish every once in a while.

The practice comes to a close and you find yourself in Savasana again, but this Savasana feels much different than the first. This juicy, delicious surrender is where moving meditation reaches mental stillness. The place you long for in the midst of the burn. Your mind will want to gravitate towards whatever is coming next. Let yourself find calm and deep silence in your mind and body in the present moment. 

What distracts you?
Whatever it may be, don't disregard that feeling, emotion, or sensation. Let it be there for a moment. Tell it that you see it there -and if it does not serve you simply let it go.

Even that seemingly perfect yogi..is not perfect.

Allowing yourself to acknowledge whatever comes up and move past it on your mat will help you do the same in your daily life. The angry driver on your daily commute - might make you laugh instead of honk. Others perception of you - may not matter anymore. When life is turned upside down - you may find it is easier to embrace the difficulty that often shows up in times of change.


When it gets hard?
Return to the breath. Return to a meaningful mantra. Return to your intention. Smile.
It's just life.

Bucket lists

I don't believe in them. Do you want to know why?

Because I feel that you should live every day like it is your last, love with every ounce of your being, and pursue your dreams. Never go to bed angry, always tell your family you love them when you leave or hang up the phone. Smile at strangers. Be open to new experiences. Do not shy away from difficulty and pain, allow yourself to learn from it.

And that thing...the thing that speaks to your soul and stokes a fire within you. THAT should be your daily focus. Because how can you feel anything but happy, fulfilled, and at peace with your life if each day you spread love and appreciation. 'If you love what you do then you will never work a day in your life.' 

Why are you doing something because society tells you that is how it should be? Why go to a job that you detest every morning because someone else has told you that is what is right? Why do they get to tell you what is right and what should be? This is your life, you get to decide that for yourself. (life isn't that simple you may say- so just start small)

You don't need a bucket list. You need to live every day as if it were your last. You need to listen to your intuition. You need to follow your dreams. Let your heart and soul speak for you and stop thinking so much. 

There is something that each of us is meant to do. That which makes us want to sing and dance at the end of each day. The thing that makes your eyes light up with wonder and joy. There is something that draws you towards it like a gravitational pull.

Should, supposed to, socially acceptable, correct, right, need to...you name it and people will say it. They will come along and tell you why you shouldn't do the thing that lights the fire within you because they may not understand it. 

But Howard Thurman said it best, 'Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.'

The people who do what makes them come alive are those who will change the world in the most magnificent way. They work with a passion that cannot be matched because that is where they are truly meant to be. When they do that thing, they radiate a contagious energy that makes people want to be near them, learn from them, and believe in them.

What makes you come alive? Make your way towards that. This world is not a perfect place and it is not always as easy as just giving up what you do that makes the money to help you live, and support your family and I understand that. But if you begin to manifest the change of which you seek, it will come to you. It may not be easy - there will be road blocks, hurdles, terrible jobs that you hate, people who tell you that you can't. Persist. This world needs you. It needs the light within you glowing so bright that it could blind the nearest passerby. Your heart is beating and you are breathing. You can make it through the difficult moments - they will not last forever. I repeat: the difficulty will pass, breathe through it, and the bliss which follows is inexplicably delicious. 

I challenge you to do something each day that makes you come alive.

Today I took in fresh air. I marveled at the autumn trees and the fiery tips of their leaves. I began my ninety minute yoga practice - but stopped after forty-five minutes - because, hey, I'm tired, why not. Today I told myself - I am going to travel across the country and see all the astonishing wonder it has to offer. I am going to continue teaching yoga. I am on my way to finding my place in this crazy, complicated, and confusing world. 

And that my friends, is a start.

Be gentle. Be kind. Live lightly. Breathe fully. Manifest your dreams. Then chase them.

On and Off the Mat

Lokah samasta sukhino bhavantu

'May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all'

Connecting with students is one of the most exciting parts of my recent journey into the world of teaching. I invested in teacher training not only to expand my knowledge and grow as a person, but to spread this thing that I happened to stumble upon at exactly the right moment in my life. I wanted to spread this to others that were open to it so that I may help them in some way. 

I realized shortly after I began teaching that I was more nervous of the idea of communicating to a new group of people that I had never met before than I was of actually teaching. 'What if I don't say the right thing?' 'What if people know I'm new and hate my class?' 'What if people don't come to my class?' All of these silly questions were doing me no good. I had to reassess - find faith in the fact that I know what I'm doing and can safely lead students through their practice. It became clear that doing an hour or 90 minute home practice before traveling to the studio to teach helped me feel lighter and more capable of finding my words. I know I understand basic alignment, movement and how a very small adjustments can help you feel into your body differently. I feel giddy when a subtle cue helps someone relax in their face and find a greater degree of ease in their asana. I also know that I have so much more to learn - and that there is so much more experience to be had. I am eager and excited to strengthen my knowledge base and learn from others who have valuable knowledge to give. I am discovering that the relationship between the study of anatomy, watching students alignment and body language throughout class, and expansion of my own personal practice are all equally meaningful to my development as a person on and off the mat and as a teacher. 

Since I have begun teaching my own personal practice has taken off, and as my practice takes off I feel more confident teaching. This delightful cyclical relationship has enlightened me to the certain level of fear I needed to confront before my body would allow me to enter certain postures or express myself more clearly through my cues, speech, words and writing. 
When people ask you if you are a swimmer in department stores because 'they noticed your strong shoulders', you begin to wonder WHY, oh why can I not get into an arm balance? Perhaps it is of fear that I might face plant..? Perhaps I don't have enough core strength..? Perhaps there are subtle energies in my body that aren't aligned properly and other postures need a little more love first..? There are any number of explanations why your body might not be ready to approach something difficult. Perhaps I am over-thinking it and they will come when the time is right. Frustration disappeared with this recognition and eagerness and delight for what will come next replaced it. Just a few days later, I found myself in an arm balance that I had been struggling for months to get into. A week later, a second difficult arm balance found its way into my practice.

Was I jumping up and down with elation in my room alone after this happened? Yes, yes I was.
Yoga provides so many benefits it is hard to list them all. Each and every persons list will be different, depending on where they are in their life, what they are seeking, and what they feel they get out of it from their own personal standpoint. 

When was the last time you asked yourself these important questions:

Why do you love yoga? 
Why do you keep going back to your mat? 
What does yoga do for you? 
Has yoga changed your life? 
What is your favorite posture - the one that you can't wait to get into every practice - the one that makes you feel empowered, strong, invincible, comfortable, happy? What makes you love it so much?
What is your very least favorite posture - maybe it is even the one that has made you burst into tears out of frustration? Why is it so difficult for you? What would happen if you embraced that discomfort - surrendered to it instead of fighting it?
How might what you do on your mat translate into your daily life?


Breathe. Live lightly. Appreciate what you have.