How a yoga practice develops, evolves, and changes with your life is a beautiful thing

How my yoga practice has developed: 

PART I

So for a little background-

I took my first hot yoga class with my best friend Megan Berke at Body Balance Studio in Williamsburg, Virginia in the midst of a very difficult time in my life. I had recently disengaged from swimming, the sport I have practiced and competed in my entire life. Swimming helped define who I was as a person. Losing this important aspect of my life led me to feeling disconnected from myself, my surroundings, and all people around me. I was getting ready to drop out of college, feeling that I had no direction and no purpose. Needless to say, I was a hot mess. I had no confidence, trouble with eating, insomnia, and felt strong pangs of anxiety merely leaving my room each day.

In the first class I remember thinking;

 'I'm standing here sweating my ass off, and I keep falling over. What am I supposed to be getting out of this? Everyone must know I've never done this before. Why isn't that girl sweating? How is she so flexible? Megan looks so relaxed. Why are all these mirrors in here? I look awful. WHY do I keep falling over!?'

Now..I wonder why I kept falling over..

Every single part of me was fighting the practice and the environment I was in. I was far to interested in everything that was going on around me, refusing to look inward at the real problems at hand..needless to say, I didn't go back to yoga for a while. I wasn't ready. I may not have lit the fire that day, but I like to think I at least took a match out of the box. I wasn't ready for what yoga could have done for me and my life. It would have been too hard to try to confront the vulnerability I was feeling in all aspects of my life. It would have been too hard to admit to myself that I was moving in a dangerous direction. So I continued to lie to myself and others, sweeping my problems under the rug, then turning around and beating myself up about them.

Have you ever felt completely helpless? What helped you reconnect and find purpose?

None of these 5 things got through to me in my first class..but then again I am still working on some of them. I held onto mistakes I made for a while, but no more. Let go of things that no longer serve you. You cannot believe the weight that is lifted from your shoulders when you cease to carry unnecessary burdens. Lightness follows and there is a new crispness with each breath that passes your lips. Sometimes it is easier said than done. Return to your breath. There is so much love everywhere.